Guilt & Desire to Save

Henri Nouwen wrote in the journal of his mission work in Bolivia & Peru:

The two most damaging motives in the makeup of missioners seem to be guilt and the desire to save. Both form the extremes of a long continuum, both make life in the mission extremely painful. As long as I go to a poor country because I feel guilty about my wealth, whether financial or mental, I am in for a lot of trouble. The problem with guilt is that it is not taken away by work. Hard work for the poor may push my guilt underground for a while, but can never really take it away. Guilt has roots deeper than can be reached through acts of service. On the other hand, the desire to save people from sin, from poverty, or from exploitation can be just as harmful, because the harder one tries the more one is confronted with one’s own limitations. Many hardworking men and women have seen the situation getting worse during their missionary career; and if they depended solely on the success of their work, they would quickly lose their sense of self-worth. Although a sense of guilt and a desire to save can be very destructive and depressive for missioners, I do not think that we are ever totally free from either. We feel guilty and we desire to bring about change. These experiences will always play a part in our daily life.

The great challenge, however, is to live and work out of gratitude. The Lord took on our guilt and saved us. In him the Divine work has been accomplished. The human missionary task is to give visibility to the DIvine work in the midst of our daily existence. When we can come to realize that our guilt has been taken away and that only God saves, then we are free to serve, then we can live truly humble lives. Clinging to guilt is resisting God’s grace, wanting to be a savior, competing with God’s own being. Both are forms of idolatry and make missionary work very hard and eventually impossible.

Humility is the real Christian virtue. It means staying close to the ground, to people, to everyday life, to what is happening with all its down-to-earthness. it is the virtue that opens our eyes for the presence of God on the earth and allows us to live grateful lives. The poor themselves are the first to help us recognize true humility and gratitude. They can make a receptive missioner a truly happy person.

I believe that these are the main reason why a lot of people do missions. I myself struggle with them.

When we as Americans see the oppressed or read news stories our hearts break and we praise God for his blessing on our county. But we also feel like we should do something about it and not just sit back in our easy chairs. The line from Spider man rings through our heads, “with great power comes great responsibility.” I believe this is founded on the Bible verse, “to him who has been given much, much is required.”

Along with the feeling of guilt is the desire to save. Some countries whose main religion believes that animals are sacred struggle with hunger and starvation. In our hearts we cry out, “If they only knew the truth..if they only knew Jesus Christ they could eat those cows! We must save them!”

Lord, help me not to serve out of guilt or the desire to save but rather from a thankful heart who is greatful for what you have done for me.